Chictionary: The Little Book of Fashion Faux-cabulary.

I featured All’s Fair in Love and Wardrobe by Stephanie Simons in my summer reading list (check it here) and her latest book just dropped today… Get your hands on Chictionary: The Little Book of Fashion Faux-cabulary because I snagged an early copy and it does not disappoint.

This is like an urban style dictionary full of new sassy slang with more gorgeous illustrations by Malia Carter. Stephanie’s books are the kind I love to have out for show – fashion humor for the home. They’re hysterical, beautiful to flip through and functional home decor! I have books on display all over the bungalow but I don’t think that should be a surprise.

A few of my fave terms from the Chictionary…

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I’m going to bring my book home to my Dad and convince him on why designer handbags are a good investment… like I’m building my pursefolio, LE DUH.

I love the play on words with buyceps here… Shopping really is cardio, though. And it runs down my bank account faster than I ever could a mile…

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The below has to be my favorite illustration. I laugh/cried reading the definition for bugly because I’m literally that girl – I can’t wear round glasses because I will indeed look like a bug. Bonus points for the similarities to my new hair.

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There’s a clutch “how to pronounce designers” section, which is critical to study if you want to actually sound like you know what you’re talking about. I cringed in agreement reading this fine print on p. 197 and wish there was actual punishment for breaking this rule.

“As a general rule of thumb, only wear what you know how to pronounce, in the event someone asks what you’re wearing.”

I can’t wait to put all my new fauxcab to use, like calling someone out for dresspassing aka wearing the same piece of clothing I am. Or, don’t mind me silently judging you by the eyebrow truth, “a universal truth that all females hold to be self-evident: that you can tell a lot about another woman’s mental state by her eyebrows” from afar. #BrowGamePsycho


Congrats to Stephanie on another stellar piece of work! It just came out today – grab your copy from Amazon here.

Happy reading, betches.

NARS Audacious Lipstick Velvet Lip Liner

today @ sephora: confessions of my shopping spree.

I went to the Apple store today because my iPad wasn’t loading iOS 8 and they confirmed my fear and said it was dead, basically. I don’t even know. A dark cloud of technology angst settled over University Village. I told them to just recycle it and immediately walked my sad little girl self straight into Sephora for some beauty therapy.

Suddenly, my wrist was swatched out and I had four new NARS velvet matte lip pencils plus a new Audacious in hand.

NARS Audacious - Janet - StoneColdBetch

NARS Audacious Lipstick: Janet (deep magenta)
NARS Velvet Matte: Damned (magenta)
NARS Velvet Matte: Never Say Never (lilac rose)
NARS Velvet Matte: Bettina (natural rose beige sheen)
NARS Velvet Matte: Mysterious Red (crimson red)

Realizing I spent a million dollars on glorified crayons, I decided to go all in and cash some of my Beauty Insider points on this Urban Decay 500 point eye palette. I’m debating if I want to pick up the original Naked palette so I decided to splurge… Who has the original palette and how do you like it? I only have Naked 2.

Inside is a sample of the UD primer potion, the Glide-On Eye Pencil in Zero, and four shadows – Skimp, Bust, Guilt and Oil Slick. Also!!! Completely unrelated: I just got my hands on a fab new book, out next week. It’s called Chic-tionary and I’m already obsessed.

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Sneak peek. I’m going to read it over the weekend so expect a post with thoughts and all my favorite parts next week. Currently reading OVERDRESSED by Elizabeth Cline which is about fast fashion. If you’ve asked me a question from my initial post or are curious about the reality behind this horrific sector of the industry – take a read.

Back to my extremely challenging day – after putting my iPad to rest, I had to go to Verizon to figure out my data plan because I had been going over (what, like it’s hard?) and my mom was about to literally knife me like we only wish we could in emoji. I handled it… then ordered the gold iPhone 6.

It will look supercute with the new mini iPad 3 that I now need, obviously gold to match.

And now I’m exhausted from having to be a real person all day. It’s hard out here for a white girl. All I want is to sit with a bottle of wine on my throne in my living room and contemplate life/how easy it is for me to spend money when I’m emotionally crippled from the death of a device. Retail therapy is effective, but expensive.

Cheers betches, we’ve almost made it through the week!


Music Mondaze: My 5 Favorite Songs of This 5 Minutes.

 It’s Monday again, which unfortunately happens every week so rather than complain I have some new music to get you grooving through your day.

Soul II Soul: Back to Life (Chachi remix)

This song is called Back To Life and it literally gives me some. Appropriate. It’s Monday, you say? Can’t be bothered, too busy dancing.

ZHU: Paradise Awaits (LCAW remix)

Take me to a tropical beach with my imaginary boyfriend who is rubbing me down in coconut oil with SPF and whispering sweet nothings in my ear. I need to be your lover, you need to be my queen – kiss me in my dreams and tell me paradise is what we see… Fuck, I think that was a real dream I had last night after listening one too many times.

Berger and Shaqiri: West Coast (Lana Del Rey cover)

YAASSSS!!! A melancholy, refreshing cover of Lana Del Rey. I love love this one, and you know how picky I am when it comes to THE Queen.

Audion: Dem Howl (Joris Voorn remix)

These days everything slips through my fingers… These days everything I make is a mess, try to think big but I come up with less… I’m a big fan of Joris Voorn’s sound and the vocals on this give me all kinds of feels. Tune tune tune.

Jessie Ware: kind of… Sometimes… Maybe… (J Cole Remix)

J. Cole could get it and I have a huge girl crush on Jessie Ware (you should too, she’s a babe). I wish I could stay in bed with said imaginary boyfriend all day listening to this.

EXTRA CREDIT: Drowning v. Thugz Mansion Mashup

I MEAN. 2Pac and Banks?!??!! I have no words, this is just amazing.

Unrelated: I wish I could emoji in my blog already. Ugh. These are my problems. Follow me on SoundCloud for all the music. Enjoy!


SHOP: My Sephora Faves for the Weekend Sale.

If you aren’t a Beauty Insider at Sephora yet… Sign up here and then return.

Naturally I’m a VIB Rouge – and proud, I feel like it’s the stamp of a true beauty addict – just me? Through the 10th there’s an “exclusive holiday shopping event” with 20% savings “just for VIB Rouge and VIB” aka be sure to sign up at the above link like I said. K, now let’s talk about raindrops on roses, whiskers on kittens, holiday palettes and moisturizing mittens…

NARS Audacious Lipstick Velvet Lip Liner

Christmas time is my favorite time of year, like I’m one of those people. Debating Christmas music just for this post as I write. And maybe I’ll write my Christmas wish list. It’s never too early, right? I mean, the holiday cups at Starsucks are out.

Back to beauty: they said, gift it forward so here’s a present if you’re new. All purchases online are 20% off with codes: GIFTROUGE or GIFTVIB. You can also apparently use SEASONSET for 8 free samples – these may not all work together. Idk. You’re welcome.

If you’re like me you also got a card for 20% off an in-store purchase – take advantage of it. If you want to try a product or take home a full-size sample, go to a retail location and befriend a team member. I love going in because I usually come out with at least one new under the radar gem or a great sample of a new product per recommendation of my BFF working in the store.

The holiday mag is full of Christmas inspo and I DIE. I’ll detail all my opinions and reviews from my faves and what I’ve tried that you can see in there in a coming post. Like I said, this time of year is my favorite, so expect to see me 10000x happier at least five minutes per day during the holidays.

When I was last at Sephora it was the day they put out this season’s holiday palettes, and it literally made my day. PRO TIP: Take advantage of palettes or the holiday sample/gift packs because you can usually get a variety of brands (Sephora Favorites – see below) or a luxe trial of various items in a line for a worth it to buy and try kind of discount. Palettes are also always a fave to give or get, but now I’m getting ahead of my Christmas list.

Must-Have Faves.

Picks from the Mag.

‘Tis the Season for Holiday Sets and Palettes.

Skincare and Sexy Scents.

IMPORTANT UPDATE: It’s currently Saturday night and I’m not sorry for breaking up my online orders to take full advantage of the SEASONSET code – there are three gift sets, ladies! Tonight I gave in to my basic white girl desires, I couldn’t help myself. Who really needs the Alexis Bittar for Sephora powder brush? This girl.

Happy shopping, beauties!

mean girls reuni

Welcome to Wino Wednesday.

Happy hour is from 4-6…
Speaking of, can we have a moment over this?

mean girls 2
I literally died. I can’t believe it was 10 years ago?! I love the quote from the Entertainment Weekly article of Rachel McAdams about Regina 10 years later, “Regina is a Real Housewife. She’d have too much time on her hands, for sure. She’s probably found all her other Reginas” because that’s exactly how I feel with Twitter. So.

Back to Wino Wednesday – I wanted to share some info about a rad new wine subscription/membership that I just got through the waiting list for: My girlfriend Meagan who is starting Loli Lingerie (which I’ll post about soooon I promise!) turned me on to it and it’s a really cool concept.

Naked Wines is a customer funded winery where you earn wholesale prices (40-60% off) for helping them fund independent winemakers. You become an “Angel” just like Victoria’s Secret, but SO MUCH BETTER THAN THAT! And no, I won’t get over the Mean Girls refs today. Deal. To give you an idea: there’s a sauv blanc for $10, chardonnay for $14, and a merlot for $16. But mark them back up 40-60% for your estimated retail price, except not.

This is what happens: you “deposit” (are charged) $40 which goes into your virtual piggy bank on their site – you then can buy any wine you want, from the winemakers that money initially funds. I had to wait because they were growing too fast and legit needed to add winemakers to supply all the people who wanted it! Now I have credit in my piggy bank so I can then order whatever type of wine or winemaker I want online and have it shipped to my house from the credit.

I grabbed the sampler pack of best selling wines while I was waiting so I could see what I was in for. Most of the wine was of good quality, which I would expect since we’re supporting a winemaker’s dream, that they’d be halfway decent at the art that is making wine (seriously). I expect I’ll be impressed with ones I pick now that I have all the options and varietals to shop from.

From Wine Folly, all the different types of wine. I think my palate is just quite different than the average person because I’m actually a serious wino. My dad is a huge wine collector and also one of the dudes behind Two Blondes Vineyard – my mom is one of blondes, obv. Chris Camarda of Andrew Will Winery was like a second dad to me growing up and we went on family vacation to Provence, France for a month. I just don’t do bad wine.

If you are a wino like myself, I would definitely check this site out and sign up if you like the convenience of online shopping and the gratification of new wine to try, plus the feel good of supporting small biz. They send you contact cards with your bottles so you learn the backstory of the winemakers, it’s all very authentic and personal and I’ve enjoyed my experience so far. If you sign up through my invite link, I get credit back and I’ll virtually cheers everyone who does that. I’ll do a more detailed tasting and review in later posts now that I have access! Check them out and sign up to be an Angel member here.

I’m sharing my fave wines to grab at the convenience of your local store in a coming post, but here are a few good reads from my fave Wine Folly to check out if you need to brush up on your wine smarts. I was also the community manager for KRIS Wine (many of my Twitter followers were hip to this) while I was at my agency. I pushed for a blog but never got one so now I’m going to live out all the wine ideas I had.